Do you ever wonder how the universe really works? We like to think of the universe as ordered, where for every action there is an equal and opposite reactions. Most of us have done experiments in science class which showed this to be true. In most conflicts/wars someone shoots and the other side shoots back. It’s pretty predictable. If you translate this to relationships, it is less predictable. To really see how it works, you need to take a bigger view of the universe.
Unequal Relationships
All relationship are unequal. There’s always one person in a relationship that does more than another. This can create expectations or resentment. This is our high school science working against us. We are expecting that equal and opposite reaction on a one to one basis with the people in our lives. But relationships are about doing things for others that can not be repaid. On his flight to space recently, Sir Richard Branson carried the picture of a woman he had met once at one of his hotels in Morocco. She had terminal cancer at the time and told him she wished she could go into space with him. He made that happen for her family.
In many ways it’s more like the penny dish that most of us have seen at the checkout counter at a convenience store. We put the pennies in when we have them, and we can take them out when we need them. We don’t necessarily know who the pennies will benefit or who they came from. This is closely aligned with the Butterfly Effect where a small action in one place has a large action somewhere else in the system. Feel free to do more research into quantum physics for a better explanation. There are simpler ways to look at it.
Thank You Zig Ziglar
Zig Ziglar is known for more than a few quotable phrases. One of my favorite is “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want”. It’s a bit broader view of the universe’s penny dish. There is no quid pro quo relationship where there is an expectation that what you do for someone will be directly reciprocated.
Over the years, I have written memorial poems for over 500 military and first responder families. It’s not something I ever intended to do, but it’s something I found out I could do on a large scale. So I do it. It’s not always about something they want, but it does generally help. Putting these out to the universe has established connections that I never could have imagined. A year ago I was actually approached by NBC for permission to use one of my poems in the set of an upcoming show. I don’t know if it will avoid the cutting room floor or not, but this is a connection I could not have created directly. Look for it on the wall of the locker room of the upcoming show Ordinary Joe.
With the people I coach, I always try to help them with at least one thing before they ever decide to hire me. Some will become clients, most won’t, but that’s ok. It’s about connection and creating value. If you look at it in terms of how the universe works, you are playing a long game. Something you do today may ripple through numerous connections over several years before it impacts you directly.
Because You Can
If this were Jeopardy, the question would be “What’s the best reason for doing something for someone else?” Not everyone sees this directly, but I would challenge anyone to show that it is not true. If you accept that we are all connected, it is like ripples in a pond. One action can flow from one person to another and then bounce back looking very different. Planting trees is about knowing you may not live long enough to enjoy their shade. The same is true in our relationships. You may not know the impact you have on someone’s life. Watch the movie, Mr. Holland’s Opus if you’d like a good example. I challenge you to do something for someone that they can never repay. If you think back, someone in your life has probably done something for you. Ultimately, that’s how the universe really works.
